Thursday, April 12, 2012

HE IS WITH YOU

Reagan and Bryan will both be graduating from William Carey University in Hattiesburg, MS on May 12, 2012 –

I tell you no mama could be any prouder of her boys that this one. They continually amaze me, both of them, for different reasons and in different ways, as different as they are, but they amaze me.

College Graduation - What does it mean: for the Parent, for the graduate, for the family? I have been trying to wrap my mind and heart around it for some time now. How important is it? To God, I mean? Trying to convince myself that it is ok that that we would not get to be there. We have known since before our furlough that it was not going to work out for us to be able to return in May. Both Reagan and Bryan have told us at different times through their college years, of us not being there for different events or holidays or birthdays, that it is ok, that it isn’t that big of a deal, that they want us to be obedient, that we are where we need to be etc…

Each of them separately, during this last furlough,knowing their mama, talked with their Dad, about talking to me and helping me realize that their feelings would not be hurt, and they would not carry any lifelong scars from our (especially my) not being at their Graduations, that it was OK, not because they have heard me whine or complain, but because they know my heart.




Besides the boys’ graduation, Grace returns from Africa the middle of May, and her special Sword Ceremony for FUSION is in May. When we said our “see you later's” at the airport, as she was going to Africa, she knew we would not be able to return to the states for her return or for her ceremony. She knew that it would be hard for me, so she wrote me the sweetest note. We already knew that she was pretty sure that she was not going to return to Russia for the summer, so we had no idea when we would be able to see her again.





You see, I am the kind of mama, as I think most Mama’s are, that wants to be a part of everything they do as they grow up. I just want to “be there”. I get so much joy in watching them do anything that they enjoy or that brings them joy. When they were younger, and in our home, I didn’t want to miss a thing, and honestly, by the Grace of God, as He knows my heart (He gave it to me) I have not missed many things. I kept calendars and baby books updated for all of our kids and make a big deal about everything they are interested in. I am a cheerleader at heart, I love cheering them on, it is my greatest hobby.

There are times during the past few years and especially the last few months that I have asked questions to God and in my heart: How important is it to be there? I am not much of a people-pleaser in my older years, but I have wondered what our kids think, what others think about us not being there, not being close by while they are in college, not being there for them on weekends and holidays? What kind of parent misses college graduation?

All these questions swim endlessly through my heart and mind, as Satan has tried to accuse me and make me feel unmerited guilt. BUT God has given me His answers, He always gives His answers. He has given me His peace with every question, along with contentment and the realization that while it is important, and it is a big deal, a huge accomplishment, it isn’t THE BIGGEST DEAL. He is the biggest deal. His ways are higher and greater than our ways, and being obedient is better than sacrifice. He directs our path and works all things out according to His great plan and for our good and His glory. He has assured me that our children (even the grown ones) are HIS.

REAGAN, BRYAN AND GRACE: It took a lot of maturity, responsibility, discipline, focus, perseverance, trust, hard work, patience, stick-to-it-iveness, sweat, tears, resolve, guts, money, courage, commitment, time, strength, that you never even knew you had, and tons and tons of prayers from you, us and others; it took your obedience, and ultimately it took great faith, trust and dependence on God from each of you, and a whole lot of His grace for each of you to accomplish all that you have in the past 5 years, 4 years, and 1 year. One of my favorite sayings, that describes all three of you, that is a long standing joke in my family, which stems from an interview from a famous athlete that Uncle Keith and I heard on television one day over 20 years ago…..YOU WERE “DETERMINATED” (I guess the guy was trying to combine determined and dedicated). Through it all you haven't been selfish, or made us feel as though we have abandoned you. Just the opposite, you have been our greatest supporters, encouragers and prayer warriors. I admire each one of you. REAGAN, BRYAN AND GRACE, YOU ARE THE GUTSIEST, BRAVEST AND MOST COURAGEOUS THREE PEOPLE I KNOW AND I AM PROUD TO BE YOUR MAMA. WAY TO GO, REAGAN, BRYAN AND GRACE, WAY TO GO! I AM SO PROUD OF YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS, AND SO PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE AND WHO YOU ARE BECOMING. I HAVE NEVER AND WILL NEVER STOP PRAYING FOR YOU AND CHEERING YOU ON, NO MATTER HOW OLD I OR YOU GET. WHEN I GROW UP I WANT TO BE LIKE YOU. WITH ALL MY LOVE, AND FOR HIS GLORY, MAMA


For our kids it took a great deal more than for TAK’s. I am not fond of labels, but since people insist on using them for our kids “homeschoolers and MK’s” then I will create one of my own… typical American kids. For our kids, they had to learn a lot of new things like learning to live in America, relearning the American culture, I’m sure they are still learning to some degree, getting to know their relatives again, and in a different way, going to red neck funerals and weddings HAHAHA…getting used to being “an American” completely out of their comfort zones; and all this while being far away from home, siblings and parents for the first time, and not getting the choice of going home for the weekend, for holidays or birthdays or spring breaks or summer breaks. For them it was learning to adjust to “college life” and “adulthood” like all kids their age, except without their parents nearby, learning to take the initiative and taking care of all the things that some parents take care of for their college age kids. But they were not and will never be alone. He has been, is and will continue to be with them, I have His endless promises on that. He has, is, and will continue to watch over them. He has, is and will continue to guide them, whether, we can be there for them for everything or not.

"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge." Psalms 62:8 NIV

Lord, I have come to believe and trust you. I realize that I do not have to understand You or Your ways completely to completely trust You. You are The Holy One, and You are the only One I can go to Who has the words of Eternal life. (my prayer from John 6:66-69

Monday, April 9, 2012

I Just Spilled Your Coffee...

If you are a facebooker, then maybe you have seen the collage of pictures for different roles and professions: The Military Wife, The Teacher etc... under each picture it reads something like this: What friends think I do, What my Husband thinks I do and so on, then the last picture has "What I really do". It reminded me of a story I penned about a real day in my life several years ago.

If you have been following my blog, then you already know that we are missionaries in Russia for the past 13 years.

We love to get emails from friends and churches with questions about us and our lives as missionaries. The one that is sometimes hardest to answer though is "So, what is a day in the life of a missionary like?" Below is a story of a "real" day in my life, back when we were in Moscow. All four of our kids were still home. They were all homeschooling in English half a day and going to Russian school the other half. I found a calendar from during that time, not long ago, and let's just say the days were full: Language lessons for everyone, piano lessons, guitar lessons, Russian school, basketball, Russian tutors, team meetings, evangelism, prayer walking, volunteer teams, reports, reports and more reports, Bible studies in 3 different homes, English club, not to mention just day to day living: cooking, shopping, cleaning, paying bills, which all can be quite complicated in another culture/country.

I thought it would be fun to share this old story with you, hope it brightens your day in some way, or at least helps you realize that "this too shall pass" Those kinds of "busy" days are long gone for me, with only a 15 year old still at home with us. I never thought I would say it, but I miss the "good ole days"!


THIS IS FOR EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO KNOW WHAT THE DAY IN THE LIFE OF A MISSIONARY IS “REALLY” LIKE, WHAT I REALLY DO: (Moscow 2004)

After cuddling with my kids, having an awesome Bible study/prayer time and about half of the cup of coffee that my husband brings me each morning, and a great start to my day, I decide to get to my dirty dishes. As I walk into the kitchen to turn on my praise music, I remember my half a cup of coffee by the bed that Michael brought me. As I go to get my coffee, I see a pile of clothes in the floor, and decide to put a load in first. So I set my coffee on my desk. When I start to put the clothes in, I realize why they were still in the floor. I still had some to hang out. As I put the clean wet clothes on the desk under the clothesline to hang them out, I notice a couple of tests in the basket and decide to grade them, but first I will heat up my half a cup of coffee. I take the grade book and tests to “Michael’s” desk, and my half a cup of heated coffee, where the computer is and begin to grade them when Caleb comes out and asks if he can read to me. As he is reading to me, I remember the wet clothes on the school books and rush to remove them before the books are ruined. As I am carrying the wet load of clothes to find the basket, the doorbell rings, so I put them back in the washer real quick and go get the door. At the door is Michael, who needs to get on the computer. He begins to fuss as the kids tests/books, and coffee near the computer. I quickly remove them from his desk and put them back in the box on my desk, along with the half a cup of coffee, now cold again. I proceed to put it in the microwave for 4th time, when I realize it is almost lunch time. I begin to make lunch and realize that I needed to go to the store for bread first. I go to find my list on my desk, when I see my house keys which I forgot to put back in my purse. I begin to look for my purse when Michael asks me to help him with some volunteer projects. I lay the keys down on the bookshelf and begin to help him, when he realizes the internet is not working. He picks up the phone to call the service provider, when he realizes the phone is also not working. While he is looking for his cell phone, I return to the kitchen to make lunch, when I remember that I never got to the dishes. Michael finds his cell phone which is out of time, so he borrows Reagan’s to call the phone company. They tell him he can access online to print the form to go to the bank to pay the bill, which we never received a total of about $3.00. He then calls the service provider who says he didn’t pay for service, which he did 2 days ago. He finally convinces her that it was paid. They finally turn it on, and he prints the paper needed and the place to go and pay and heads out to pay the phone bill. I decide to go back to the dishes. When I start to wash the dishes, I remember I never hung out the clothes. When I go to hang out the clothes, I see the grocery list and realize that dishwashing detergent and laundry detergent and bread are on the list. I decide to run down to the store, but I can’t find my purse. As I am looking for my purse, Reagan enters the room with a reading quiz for me to dictate. Before I can write down his grade, I need to find the stack of kid’s books that I moved from Michael’s desk, when I see my purse. I decide I better go to the store as the kids will be hungry and have to head to Russian school, when I realize I am out of rubles, and Michael has already left. I go and make the kids some soup, and find the last jar of peanut butter and a pack of crackers, when the phone rings and it is Michael (the cell phone). He says that he went to the bank paid the phone bill, and called the company to tell them it was paid, when she declares there is still no record of payment. She then asks him where he went and he says he went to bank of Moscow, where the note said. She says that it will take days from that bank to turn on the phone, that he should have gone to sberbank.

At the end of the day, I wondered what I did all day. I tried to figure out why nothing got done.

The dirty clothes were still in the floor. The wet clothes were still in the washer. The dirty dishes were still in the sink. The kids papers were still ungraded, and unfound. Caleb didn’t finish his reading. Reagan’s reading quiz grade didn’t get written down. The volunteer requests were not completed. Groceries were not bought. The phone was still off. I still couldn’t find my purse, my list, my keys, the kids’ tests to be graded, or my half a cup of cold coffee It was time to fix supper, and for the life of me, I couldn’t remember if I had even fed the kids lunch or not.

I was really confused because I knew I was busy all day long, and besides that, really tired. I decided to check to see if the internet and phone were working, when I heard from the hallway: “Mama, I just spilled your coffee all over our tests…"

IT WAS THE BEST OF TIMES, IT WAS THE WORST OF TIMES. hahaha

Saturday, April 7, 2012

"...IT IS FINISHED" John 19:30

IT IS FINISHED

Many people say that the three most powerful words in our language are "I LOVE YOU"

I would have to disagree on that one. I prefer "IT IS FINISHED"

The first thing that pops in my head, almost every time I hear the word "finish" goes back to our first year on the mission field, 1999:

We went to a little cafe in Moscow as a family. We couldn't read or understand much Russian yet, so ordering was a hoot. We decided to go with chicken.I mean chicken is always "safe", right? To the embarrassment of our kids, and probably Michael too, I said chicken (in broken English) and flapped my arms. No harm no "foul" it worked and our orders were on their way. (Like we weren't already sticking out enough, a family of 6 Americans going out to eat. We were quite the "eye stoppers" everywhere we went.) They brought back what looked like chicken legs for each of us and some mashed potatoes with some sort of "sauce" and some sort of salad with some sort of green stuff all over it. We tried to pick up our legs, but to our surprise it wasn't a chicken leg at all. It was in the shape of a leg (like how long did it take them to do that creative art; now we are understanding why it took so long) It was mushy and tasted weird. We now know after living in Russia for years that it was a "cutlet" of some kind, who knows what kinds of meats or animal parts were in it. So we all stopped poking and eating. All through the meal, the waitress kept taking our napkins and our silverware, if we set it down, it was gone before you could stop them, not that we would know how to stop them. So the waitress looks over and comes over to the table, she says something, which we don't understand, and keeps saying something we don't understand. Finally she blurts out, "You Finnish" with a heavy Russian accent. One of the boys, pretty sure it was our eldest, said, "No, we are American's", (under his breath). I really don't think she heard him, but it was super funny (to me at least)I think he heard a story from another "M" and decided to practice it on someone else. It has made me laugh all through the years just to think about it.

I love to "finish" things. Sometimes I do things poorly or in a hurry just so I can finish and say, "I'm finished" "Whew that's out of the way." I am a huge note/list maker too. I love to write notes and make lists: things to do around the house, things to tell my kids, teach my kids, things to buy, things to do someday, things I have done. Sometimes I even do something that isn't on my list, then go write it on the list, and then go and mark it out.

My lists or notes aren't on a tidy little note pad either. They are anywhere, backs of print outs, in my Sudoku book, any little free corner of any thing I can write on or that is nearby. No empty space is wasted. My lists aren't pretty, my handwriting is atrocious. My lists are not in linear order; they are all over the page: sideways, upside down, diagonal. They have squiggly marks,doodles, sunshine faces, rainbows, little "V" birds, trees and words...lots of words: circled words, triangled words, recatangled words, underlined words, all caps, small caps, My "O's" and "A's" have smiley faces in them...there are arrows, asterisks, parenthesis, colons, question marks.

My absolute favorite thing to do is mark things off lists. I love it...it's like I'm addicted or something. I don't just put one line through it either. First I put a check mark in front of it, then I put a line through it, then another line, then I scribble over it and do little circles so that what I did cannot even be recognized by the human eye. I don't know why, because they are not legible anyway. Then I throw it away, but I don't just wad it up, I tear it,then wad it and usually throw it on the floor, then pick it up later, unless Michael is home, because it bothers him to see all my wadded torn paper all around me."Why don't you just get a can and throw it straight into the can?" He thought he broke me of this, but what he doesn't know won't hurt him... Cause I like to see it torn up all over the floor and then feel the pleasure of picking it all up...that's why, so I can see it FINISHED. I mean I am done with it. FINISHED.

Yep, I have a great "list story": Once I was in walmart, back at the dressing rooms. It was one of the late night, "going back to the field soon" nights. I had Mamaw, Michael, Grace and Caleb with me AND MY LIST. We had about 30 minutes to buy all the kids clothes to take back, and baby, we were gettin her done. I am not much of a lazy, take your time, kind of window shopper. I got a list, and I get it done and get out of there. So the kids were trying on something and I was out at the little desk, checking over my list. The lady working was obviously having a bad day, so I was trying to cheer her up. I had my list, but I didn't have my pen, so I asked to borrow hers, that she was doing some sort of puzzle with. She gave me a dirty look, but handed it to me. I thought she might be afraid I would take, so I said, I will give it right back, just need to mark some things off my list. So I "went to town", marking, just double marking, I didn't have time to scribble, or for all the squigglies and circles, I would go back and do that later. (HAHA) The lady actually said, you are wasting my pen. Just put a line through it and be done. I could not believe it. It wasn't like a 20 dollar pen or anything, it was like a black Bic that you buy in a box for 10 for a dollar or something. I finished my "one line marking" then gave her pen back. I try to always remember my pen from then on.

In my situation, I like to finish things, so I can move on to something else, feel accomplished, it is for me, basically. "Whew that is finished, next"

When Jesus "finished it". It was "for good and for all" He had me and you and every person of the world in mind. He did it all. He went to the Cross with joy, and completed the task that was set before Him, by His Father, once and for all. He was beaten and ridiculed beyond imagination, and suffered and died a cruel horrible death on the Cross. The Scripture says that He was not even recognized to be a man. He took on the sins of the world, yours and mine, for us. He was separated for the first time from His Father, forsaken and alone. He became ugly to make us beautiful, He became sin, to free us from the bondage of sin. He was alone so that we could be with Him forever and never be alone. He was forsaken, so that we could be accepted. He went through pain so that we can have joy, turmoil for our peace. His heart was broken, so that we can have pure, new hearts. He took our punishment so we could have His grace and mercy. He never once defended Himself, fought back, or returned evil for evil. He just took it, took it all, all our punishment and judgement, so we could be forgiven and saved. He took all of God's wrath, so we could experience His great love and grace. He knew that no one, No one, Not one would speak up for or defend Him, but He did it anyway, so that He could speak up for us, on our behalf. Then He gave it all, everything, His very life, so that we could have Eternal Life.

He took my sins, the sins of the world, wrote them on a list (more like books), put a line through them, then another line, He scribbled them out, scratched them out, turned the paper over and blotted them out from the other side, soaked them in His blood, nailed them to a tree, then he ripped them off the tree, wadded them up and threw them as far as the east is to the west.... IT IS FINISHED, YES IT IS!

Because He finished it, we can now come before the Father: He tore the veil, so we have access to Him, nothing can keep us from His presence now. It is not based on anything we have done, or could ever do, but all because of what Jesus did and what He said, "IT IS FINISHED." THANK YOU, JESUS, FOR FINISHING IT FOR ONCE AND FOR ALL!

Chris Tomlin
Amazing Love

I’m forgiven because You were forsaken,
I’m accepted, You were condemned.
I am alive and well, Your spirit is within me,
Because You died and rose again.

Amazing love,
How can it be
That You, my King, should die for me?
Amazing love,
I know it’s true.
It’s my joy to honor You,
In all I do, I honor You.

You are my King
Jesus, You are my King

Friday, April 6, 2012

"...forgive them they know not what they do..."

Father forgive them, for they know not what they do (Luke 23:34) WORDS OF FORGIVENESS

I am always touched by these words of Jesus, such compassion toward mankind, undeserved compassion.

I can’t understand that kind of love, in His agonizing pain and suffering thinking of me, standing in the gap before the Father for me, crying out for my forgiveness, but I want it, I need it and I totally accept it.

Without His hearts cry in obedience to the will of the Father portrayed in these words,and in His actions: His submission to the cross, there would be absolutely no Eternal hope for me or for anyone.

These words have comforted me over and over in times of confession and repentance, when needing to sense His forgiveness.

I often ask my Father to help me to pray and practice these words in my life toward those I must forgive and who desperately need His forgiveness.

This kind of forgiveness is different than the warped forgiveness we hear about and see practiced in the world, and sometimes in the church…”I will forgive but I won’t forget” “I will forgive but I don’t want a relationship” “I will forgive this, but I won’t forgive that” “I will forgive if the person asks me and I sense their repentance is real” “I will forgive if the person who sinned against me changes or makes it right”

These are just words of forgiveness, with no act or deed to follow, these are conditional forgiveness, and in my opinion, not really forgiveness at all. Real Agape forgiveness requires action and leads to salvation for mankind, and reconciliation with God and man.

This is the only kind of forgiveness that is real, and it takes understanding all we have been forgiven by God, to truly learn how to forgive others. It isn’t easy, as it wasn’t easy for Jesus, but through Christ, and because of what He did (and does), all things are possible. I am so thankful for His gift of forgiveness in my life: to know it and show it.

I don't know who is reading, but I am 100 percent sure that you need God's forgiveness, pretty sure you need to forgive yourself, or someone in your life, and you may need to ask someone to forgive you today. I pray that He will give you the strength and courage in Christ to live a life of forgiveness.