New Year of Poverty

2009 was a great, crazy year of learning and I expect 2010 to be much more of the same. Prayerfully growing more and more dependent on Christ, seeing more people trust and depend on Him, and seeing more groups of those people joining/serving in local churches, and starting new churches. I began 2009 with major back surgery, and watched our sons marry the women that God chose for their lifemates in June and again in December. We were blessed to celebrate Jesus' birthday in the states for the first time in 6 years with each of our children, and our new daughters in love, and most of our families. I ended 2009 watching a dear young man marry his first love, thinking what a privilege it was to be there, as his mother/my friend celebrated Jesus in heaven. I am more depedent on Jesus again this year than I was the last, and trust nothing less for 2010, as that is my desire.

Alot of people make new year's resolutions, I have never been too much into that. I did have a sweet/bitter talk/ time of fellowship with Jesus when we returned to our city January 8. Sweet: We absolutely love the place here in the Far East that He has brought us to. We are content with the ministry He continues to show us here, and we love the people He has brought into our lives and that we are blessed to serve alongside. Bitter: We love our sons and their new wives, our parents, and other family in and around MS. After 10 years on the mission field, I must admit, the goodbyes get harder and harder, yet the returns get better and better. How can that be? I don't know, but as the youth today are saying so often these days "I'm just sayin..." it does.

As I talked to Jesus the second morning back, I cried out to Him in my confusion, how can it be so hard to leave, so sweet to return and asked the Lord as I do every time we return, "Why do You want us here? I mean sometimes I cant see much good we are doing. I mean I know what Your Word teaches about obedience and following, Lord, You know I understand that. I know that we won't always see fruit and that being here is important for so many reasons, but I just want to ask You, why ?? again today"

I must say I was surprised at His answer to me. I expected it to be the same as in the past, something about obeying/following no matter what, which are all great reasons. I was reading/meditating and praying through Luke chapter 21 when He spoke so clearly to me. I was reading about the widow giving it all. " Truly I say to you, this poor widow put in more than all of them" Lord, have I put it all in? I have left my homeland, my family, now my sons and their new wives to follow You here. I fell on the ice and had to have back surgery..." I hope you are still following me, as i share what I was saying to Him as I read His Word and asking "why??" I read further: "for they all out of their Surplus put into offering; but she out of her poverty put in all that she had to live on" I continued on "Ok, Lord I am listening. Everything I have ever given was always out of my "surplus". Well, Lord, teach me what it means to give out of my poverty, all I have to live on. That is when i realized that in my crying out to Him at that moment, I was as poor in Spirit as could be, I was weak, I was completely dependent on Him. That was my answer to why?? I asked and He answered and it was a different answer since ever coming to the mission field.

Lord, why did you bring me here? His answer was as clear as if He were speaking out loud, deep into my heart and spirit: I can be with you here, my Patsy, like you won't let me be anywhere else. In this place you are more dependent on me than any other, you are poorer here than any place else. It is in this place alone, right now in your life, right where I have you, that you can truly give out of your poverty, all you have. WOW. He can be with me here like I wont let Him anywhere else. He desires to be with me that much, to love me that much. And let me tell you it is a sweet fellowship, a sweet place, a place I want to stay, wherever I am !!

I don't know about you and where you are at this year, physically, spiritually or emotionally, but I pray that you will "put in all you have to live on", and out of your poverty (need) not your surplus. That you will be put in places, hard or easy places that will cause you to depend, trust and need Jesus more than ever in 2010. Out of that relationship, He will take you where you need to go, get your through anything you are going through and speak through you to every person He wants to draw to Himself. I encourage you to take the time to read through Luke 21 someday soon.

Lord, let everything You bring into my life this year, lead to an opportunity for my testimony !