I SURRENDER; I CHOOSE JOY

15 years ago, my brother was killed. At that time, I was learning to study my Bible for the first time in my life. I had just begun Precepts (inductive Bible Study) , and the first study was from Philippians: Rejoice No matter What. I remember telling my friend, Joy, at the time that I was learning so much, but was a little afraid, because I knew that if He was teaching me so much about having joy despite my circumstances, then that meant, that someday soon, my circumstance might change, I would have to not only learn it, but live it. One week later, my brother was murdered. I clung to Him and all He had to teach me through it. He truly lifted me above it all and carried me through. It was a horrible hard time for me and my family, but He truly taught me joy in it, and day by day our family allows Him to heal us.

I have fallen back on that time many times since in other trials and losses, and what He taught me about Himself. He is enough, He is in control, He is faithful. He can be fully trusted. It seems now, He is reminding me again, i must be slow :) I have been in some pretty bad pain for the past 3 wks, due to a fall on the ice. I have experienced many trials and losses in my 43 yrs, but never this kind of physical pain, dependence on others for the simplest tasks. I am asking Him to teach me all He wants to teach me through this and as He always has His way, He is teaching me much, mostly to surrender to Him every area of my life, and choose joy no matter what. I remember Him teaching me out of Habakkuk during that difficult time when my brother was killed, and several times since, and now He is giving it to me once again.

Without pain, of all kinds, shapes, sizes, I don't think we can truly know His joy, so I surrender to it, to Him, and ask Him to give me His strength and His joy, despite my circumstances, and He is. I am content and joyful, and this kind only comes from Him. I just listened to a sermon about Jacob wrestling with God. I found it interesting that God, who could have overpowered and 'taken him' immediately, chose to be gentle and patient until Jacob surrendered. I also found it quite humorous that he finally struck his hip socket (this is where the majority of my pain has been) I am slow, but not that slow haha...

Ok, God I am listening. I am not sure everything you are telling me, but I do want to surrender, to give in to whatever You want for me. I don't want to be at odds with Your plan for me. I know You want everything in my life that I might be clinging to, including our children, our marriage, the ministry You have blessed us with, or any selfish desires or things that so easily entangle me, and I want to willingly surrender them all to You. That is the desire of my heart. Thank you for being gentle and patient with me. Show me Your will and help me to obey You above all else, and have joy in spite of it all. Thank you Lord that even:

Though the fig tree does not bud (though we can't be with family in the states during the holidays)
and there are no grapes on the vines (though there are no new believers/new churches to report)
though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food (though we couldn't find turkey or ham over the holidays)
though there are no sheep in the pen (though our children are becoming more independent and growing up and leaving home)
and no cattle in the stalls (though I am in physical pain and unable to do all I want to in serving my family)

(that even if You don't provide a way for us to stay in this place You have brought us to, knit our hearts to and given us such an amazing ministry in...)

yet I will rejoice in the Lord
I will be joyful in God my Savior
The Sovereign Lord is my strength
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer
He enables me to go on the heights

Habakkuk 3: 17-19 (italics mine)

May the joy of Christ be ours this Holiday season.

Joyful Christmas and Joyful New Year to all as we all learn what it means to truly surrender to Him, and choose joy.